Not too long ago, I presented you all with the first fruit of my labors, Part One of the fascinating saga of not keeping it in your pants, "A Tale of Two Johns", dealing with Democrat John Edwards. I now bring you Part Two, dealing with Republican John Ensign.
And what a fascinating part this is.
"I go by the name of the King Adrock..."
Senator Ensign released a statement on June 16th of 2009 that announced that he had been having an affair sometime in the period between December 2007 and August 2008. On the same day, his wife issued the traditional political wife's "I love my husband and we're working out the problem", as if it's something as benign or innocent as him leaving his boxers on the floor or not rinsing out his coffee cup. So far, nothing out of the ordinary. Woman he had an affair with? On his campaign staff. He resigns from his unpaid leadership position in the Senate Republican Caucus. Still par for the course so far.
However, things get juicier when it turns out that the woman's husband is also on the Senator's staff. The husband had sent a letter to Fox News prior to Ensign's announcement. It turns out that Ensign had continued to go after the woman even after people like Senator Tom Coburn (R-Okie) had told him to stop. Senator N-Sync, it turned out, had his parents give the woman, Cynthia Hampton, and her husband $96,000. He also gave their 19-year-0ld son a position on the RNC payroll as a "policy consultant".
"I don't wear a cup nor a jock...I bring the shit that's beyond bizarre..."
Weird enough for ya, yet? It gets even more weird.
It turns out that Senator En-Side is a member of a secretive Christian political organization informally known as The Family (more on that possibly later). Anyway, the Family intervened and told him to stop. With the help of Senator Cold Burn, they essentially kidnapped Senator En-sipid and made him write a letter ending the affair. At some point Senator Encinal got away and phoned Cynthia and told her to disregard the letter. The next fucking day(!!!!!) he flies out to Vegas to be with her!
And he voted for the impeachment of Bill Clinton!
Why his affair matters
It's for basically the same reasons as John Edwards, only more so. The GOP, and Senator Ensign, have made family values and traditional living and all that other neo-Fifties crap a part of their platform. They impeached Clinton for lying about a blowjob. They harp and harangue about this sort of shit...and then they get caught with a prostitute. (However, as long as the prostitute or person is female, tis okay).
Also, it's not just the affair itself, it's the intervention of The Family (sounds Mafia-esque). I know that teachers everywhere will hate me for this, but use Wikipedia to look up The Family. Ties to third-world dictators, belief that members are above the law...it's downright eerie.
Political Prospects
I'm gonna have to say that En-sightful is lucky to keep his Senate seat, and that any hope of higher office is squelched...at least until people forget. Which they've probably begun to.
Showing posts with label john. Show all posts
Showing posts with label john. Show all posts
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A Tale of Two Johns Part One
Although the media focus has been on Sarah Palin, the Beer Summit, and health care recently, there's a story...hell, there's two stories just as compelling and with far more sex, money, hushing up, hypocrisy, and falls from grace. A look at the Decline and Fall of two politician's careers. Both are ambitious, and both will have a long climb back up, if at all.
It's a tale of questionable ethics.
It's a tale of romance and intrigue and scandal.
It's...a Tale of Two Johns.
John Edwards
We'll start with the first "John", former one-term North Carolina Senator, two-time Democratic Presidential Candidate ('04 and '08) and two-timing husband of author, activist, and cancer fighter Elizabeth Edwards. Johnny Go-Lightly, in 2006, was hit up by a woman named Rielle Hunter, an actress and film producer, to do a series of "webisodes" for the upcoming 2008 Presidential Elections. He liked the idea, and signed on. His PAC, the "One America Committee" (which sounds a bit jingoistic and fascist, but maybe that's just me) paid $100,000 for the documentaries, plus another $14,461 later on.
Apparently, he liked more than just her film making skills. The affair lasted for a few months, and mention of it first appeared in one of the many tabloids, The National Enquirer, in October of 2007. Both Candidate Edwards and Ms. Hunter initially denied the allegations. The Enquirer publishes a follow-up story with a picture of Hunter, pregnant, and the allegation that Edwards is the father. (Some Maury Povich-like shit right here...)
After months of speculation (speaking of political speculation... ;) ) and coverage, it all came to a head in August of 2008, when Edwards finally admitted he had been unfaithful, but that he had not fathered the baby.
Why his affair matters
Now, those of you who might lean Libertarian are probably thinking "Why the hell does it matter? Isn't it a private thing, between him and his family and the other woman?"
Well, no. Johnny Go-Lightly made family values and that sort of shit a part of his campaign. His hypocrisy deserved to be exposed. And, quite frankly, a public figure, regardless of how they feel, is going to be under more scrutiny. Did I mention the hypocrisy?
Political Prospects
His political career doesn't look so good, to put it mildly. American voters are notoriously fickle and unforgiving, especially in regards to marital infidelity. To compound his problem, his wife had cancer. And the lingering questions about the baby's father will haunt him unless and until he takes the test. Now, although he has some good ideas and politics, his little friend has cost him any chance of having a future in electoral politics. He could potentially receive an appointment to some position, but nothing major or dealing with the law, for obvious reasons.
Edwards is, as it appears, consigned to the political dungheap for now.
When we next meet...
I'm working on the next entry in "A Tale of Two Johns", which will deal with Republican Senator from Nevada John Ensign, whose story is so much more interesting than Edwards. I'll also provide a comparison of the two at the end.
It's a tale of questionable ethics.
It's a tale of romance and intrigue and scandal.
It's...a Tale of Two Johns.
John Edwards
We'll start with the first "John", former one-term North Carolina Senator, two-time Democratic Presidential Candidate ('04 and '08) and two-timing husband of author, activist, and cancer fighter Elizabeth Edwards. Johnny Go-Lightly, in 2006, was hit up by a woman named Rielle Hunter, an actress and film producer, to do a series of "webisodes" for the upcoming 2008 Presidential Elections. He liked the idea, and signed on. His PAC, the "One America Committee" (which sounds a bit jingoistic and fascist, but maybe that's just me) paid $100,000 for the documentaries, plus another $14,461 later on.
Apparently, he liked more than just her film making skills. The affair lasted for a few months, and mention of it first appeared in one of the many tabloids, The National Enquirer, in October of 2007. Both Candidate Edwards and Ms. Hunter initially denied the allegations. The Enquirer publishes a follow-up story with a picture of Hunter, pregnant, and the allegation that Edwards is the father. (Some Maury Povich-like shit right here...)
After months of speculation (speaking of political speculation... ;) ) and coverage, it all came to a head in August of 2008, when Edwards finally admitted he had been unfaithful, but that he had not fathered the baby.
Why his affair matters
Now, those of you who might lean Libertarian are probably thinking "Why the hell does it matter? Isn't it a private thing, between him and his family and the other woman?"
Well, no. Johnny Go-Lightly made family values and that sort of shit a part of his campaign. His hypocrisy deserved to be exposed. And, quite frankly, a public figure, regardless of how they feel, is going to be under more scrutiny. Did I mention the hypocrisy?
Political Prospects
His political career doesn't look so good, to put it mildly. American voters are notoriously fickle and unforgiving, especially in regards to marital infidelity. To compound his problem, his wife had cancer. And the lingering questions about the baby's father will haunt him unless and until he takes the test. Now, although he has some good ideas and politics, his little friend has cost him any chance of having a future in electoral politics. He could potentially receive an appointment to some position, but nothing major or dealing with the law, for obvious reasons.
Edwards is, as it appears, consigned to the political dungheap for now.
When we next meet...
I'm working on the next entry in "A Tale of Two Johns", which will deal with Republican Senator from Nevada John Ensign, whose story is so much more interesting than Edwards. I'll also provide a comparison of the two at the end.
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